


i liked you so much, we lost it

by jeantheestallion



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Flashbacks, Post-Break Up, Post-Time Skip, music references, reader is a singer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29041035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeantheestallion/pseuds/jeantheestallion
Summary: "This last song is one I actually haven't released yet, but it's dedicated to everyone who's struggled through a break-up. Please know it gets better and I'm cheering you on!"But when the melody started playing, that all-too-familiar melody, Rintarou knew the real reason behind it.
Relationships: Suna Rintarou/Reader
Kudos: 31





	i liked you so much, we lost it

**Author's Note:**

> hi !! this is my first fic on here pls bare with me, I'm definitely not the best at writing fiction but i just had to turn this idea into a real story ! hope u enjoy <3
> 
> \- i recommend listening to "I Like You So Much, You'll Know It" by Ysabelle Cuevas before reading and when noted during the story, start listening to "I Liked You So Much, We Lost It" by the same artist :)
> 
> \- there will also be small references to other songs ("A Soulmate Who Wasn't Meant To Be" by Jess Benko and "Already Gone" by Sleeping At Last)

"Komori, you do realize how painful it is for me to be here?" Rintarou asked his teammate on EJP Raijin.

"And? You both need closure dude. And not to mention, it's been almost two months and you're still not practicing at your fullest. If this keeps up, you'll lose your starting position." Komori repeated his explanation which by the looks of it, still hadn't been drilled into the middle blocker's mind.

They took their seats toward the back as Rintarou looked up at the screen by the stage, a disdain look already creeping onto his face.

The screen read, "Welcome to L/N F/N's Nagano Debut Showcase! We will be starting in 10 minutes" in a huge font, on top of a picture from your debut promo-photoshoot. Your music played in the background before the concert started, but Suna didn't recognize it. He couldn't bring himself to listen, he wanted to hold on to the happy memories of hearing your voice. But now he knew he had to hear everything tonight. So he focused his attention on Komori, saving his reactions for hearing the music straight from you.

Rintarou tried to focus his ears on his teammate's rambles, but his mind was somewhere completely different.

He feared for how he'd feel, and what he'd think the moment you were to step on that stage. The memories that would come flooding back, and reminders of the day he suppressed his regret for every breathing moment after.

"'We don't need memories' my ass." Rintarou said under his breath. "Like I can ever forget." He didn't know why Inarizaki's motto suddenly came to mind. But it frustrated him how he couldn't help but cling onto those memories, and couldn't move on.

"What was that?" Komori asked, already munching on the snacks he bought.

Before he could answer, the lights around the audience suddenly switched off and instead, the lights on the stage quickly lit up. The concert was finally starting.

'Fuck,' was all he could think.

The entire concert was a blur. Rintarou barely heard the music or paid attention to the lyrics and melodies that felt like strangers. Because they were sitting in the back, his eyes were fixed onto the big screen that gave a better view of you. Finally seeing you again for the first time since that day surprisingly didn't hurt as much as Rintarou feared. If anything, he felt little remnants of the comfort he'd been missing for the past couple months coming back, just from seeing you.

For the duration of most of the showcase, he simply thought of how beautiful you looked, how beautiful you sounded, and felt the overwhelming relief of the sight of you pursuing your dream with all the happiness and passion he wished for.

For just a second, maybe Rintarou felt like everything was still okay, and he was there supporting the love of his life. That the two of you were okay, and were celebrating your happy ending.

And in the blink of an eye, the last song of the night was being introduced.

"This last song is one I actually haven't released yet, but it's dedicated to everyone who's struggled through a break-up. Please know that it gets better and I'm cheering you on!" You said from center stage, then walked back to the piano set while you waited for the cheers to die down.

"This is "I Liked You So Much, We Lost it"! I hope you guys enjoy." You said through the piano's mic and took a deep breath.

Though you didn't know, even through the screen, Rintarou could see the usual light leave your eyes as you began to play the intro melody.

*now, please start playing "I Liked You So Much, We Lost It" by Isabelle Cuevas on repeat*

But he sat in shock as he realized the melody sounded familiar. He knew he'd heard it before, but a guitar version. 

It wasn't long before he pieced it together as a song you originally wrote for him.

'But that song was about us, when we were happy. She changed the lyrics and mood and everything.' Rintarou could feel a pit of anxiety forming in his stomach, his past actions now coming to the surface because he knew all too well what this song was about.

I like your eyes, you looked away when you pretended to care  
I like the dimples on the corners of the smile that you wear  
You wore them more with her, I knew and I was scared  
I let myself fall deeper but I was prepared

As you sang for the crowd, you focused your mind on the origins of the song to bring out as much emotion as possible.

You could still remember the moment things started to feel off. Rintarou had brought you to Inarizaki's reunion. But on the way there, he barely talked. Then at Onigiri Miya, he started to talk not to you, but to their old manager while you forced a smile and kept small talk with Kita and Aran. You remembered the nervous butterflies that day, how you worried to yourself, 'Did I do something to upset Rin?'

Things never improved after that. Out of nowhere, Rintarou started making plans often to hang out with friends that he never specified. 

Friends that you'd later found out to be their old manager, which only brought suspicion.

I liked your shirt, the one I gave you can't forget how you smell  
But now on different shoulders hang the jacket I used to wear  
I loved you for so long, sometimes it's hard to bear  
But after all this time, I wish you well from here

The last straw was when you caught them yourself, on a date.

You watched as they walked around the mall, Rintarou looking multiple times happier with her than how he'd looked the past few weeks.

You watched as he walked her home.

You watched as he gave her that jacket of his that you used to wear.

You watched as he gave her a forehead kiss and waved goodbye with a tender smile, the smile you missed so much.

I loved you every minute, every second  
Loved you everywhere and any moment  
Always and forever was just for a moment  
'cause I was not the one, I don't know how

Rintarou wasn't dumb. As he listened, he knew exactly which moments each lyric was pertaining to. It killed him inside, knowing this was how you felt. 

He didn't do it because he fell out of love.

And he knew deep down, that you were the one for him, and you always would be. But he had to distance himself for that reason.

I loved you 'til the last of snow disappeared  
Missed you on the rainy days of the year  
Never knew of pain like this but I've got to know  
Thought I loved you so  
Why did you go?

These new lyrics finally reminded Rintarou of the whole ordeal, the regrets he had no other choice but to suppress, and the reason why it hurt him to come see you perform.

"You're Suna Rintarou?" He recalls sitting across a stranger who had gotten in touch with him through his coach.

"Yes, I heard from coach you wanted to set up this meeting. So this is volleyball related?" Rintarou was answered with a shake of the stranger's head and a business card being swiped across the table and towards him.

"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Kazehaya Haruto, manager at JT Entertainment. I actually wanted to talk to you about your girlfriend, L/N F/N." 

Rintarou knew where this was going. It was a thought he didn't ever want to let consume him until he was forced to that day.

"Look, L/N is extremely talented, and she's very close to having her debut decided. She can't have any distractions, and definitely not a relationship because of potential rumors about the rising star that she is. If you two are found out, which I'm warning you definitely will be, it will ruin her career before it's even taken off."

He could only sit in silence, unable to argue because everything the manager was saying was right.

"And you're a volleyball player of the strongest division right? And your coach told me you were invited to play in the Olympics, congrats by the way! I assume it all must be very tiring? Maybe it is best to split up for both of your sakes."

Rintarou didn't really want to admit Kazehaya was right. That would mean giving up the years you've spent together, and the memories you've made. But most importantly, he would be losing the love of his life. And though his practices were tiring, your relationship still remained strong. He knew you loved him too, just as much as he did, and you probably didn't even know that your manager was here, telling your boyfriend to break up with you. Rintarou knew you'd never allow it on those simple terms.

And yes, he loved you with all his heart, enough to face the truth of what was best for you. In order for you to have a healthy career, he knew things had to end. But he was fully aware that he couldn't just break up with you verbally. As much as it destroyed him, Rintarou decided to take the actions to fully break your heart, force you to give up on him, force you to move on. 

And so he flirted with his old team manager, an innocent soul who he'd only viewed as a little sister. She probably couldn't even tell he was flirting, even if it wasn't genuine.

I hate the way you let us go like it was all just nothing  
I hate the way you hit the notes, but not the words I'm saying  
I hate the little things like when I'm unaware  
I still remember how we broke so perfectly

Rintarou succeeded in breaking your heart.

After your suspicions grew, he confronted you before you had the chance.

"Let's break up." 

You never thought you'd hear those words come out of his mouth, nevertheless in that emotionless, bored tone. You also still didn't know when things went wrong. You looked back on your entire relationship in that split second, and couldn't think of a single flaw big enough for this to happen. For the most part, the two of you were very happy together. Where a normal couple's relationship would falter, yours would strengthen. Both you and Rintarou had long, grueling practices, but you loved each other enough to simply treasure every second of your time together with every fiber of your beings. You thought it could continue that way, but you were too innocent to the reality of the entertainment industry.

With uncontrollable tears welling up in your eyes, you asked shakily, "Why Rin?"

"I just fell out of love is all it is. And... well you know, don't you?" Rintarou's answer was immediate, almost robotic. And you knew what he was asking. After all you had to witness the past few weeks, in that moment, your sadness was replaced with anger. 

You decided there was no point in arguing or questioning him further.

Grabbing your bag and keys as you stepped towards the door, you gave him one last stare.

"You know Rin, I genuinely never thought I'd hear you say 'Let's break up.'

If anything, I really thought one day you'd ask me, 'Will you marry me?' 

But, not everything goes as planned. So...

bye, Suna."

Though sometimes when life brings me down  
Time can heal my heart  
Through the bad rainy days  
I know that I will be okay

Soon after your break-up, you received the life-changing news that your debut was set. Though, you couldn't find it in you to celebrate. You instead immersed yourself in debut preparations, recording, filming, photoshoots, anything to keep your mind off him.

And by the time you debuted, the joy of it was finally hitting you. You didn't think of him as often anymore, and now enjoyed every second of your first mini Japan tour. Slowly but surely, you felt okay without him.

I loved you every minute, every second  
Loved you even if it was for a moment  
Always and forever can wait for the time because  
You were not the one, I know that now  
In a world still full of life I see color  
In a bit of time 'cause we deserve better  
Always and forever when the right one comes because  
Part of loving you is letting go  
Part of loving you was letting go

You wrote the new version of the song on a whim, as your own little goodbye to Rintarou. Because deep down, you couldn't actually hate him. And though you were now doing well by yourself, it didn't change the fact that you missed him.

And as Rintarou sat in the audience listening to your voice with those lyrics, he couldn't stop his tears from falling. He didn't know if they were tears of happiness or regret; maybe it was both. Based on the lyrics, he concluded that you were finally happy again. You had no clue how much it broke Rintarou to watch you witness, what you thought was him falling out of love and cheating. And it was also those actions that he tried not to regret everyday despite knowing it was what he needed to do.

Rintarou remembered the specific times he saw you hurting, like the night he snuck back home from that "date". He came back late at night to the lights off, but he could hear you crying. Right then and there, he wanted so badly to kneel in front of your side of the bed, comfort you, hold you tight, caress your hair, kiss your forehead, whisper sweet nothings, and all the rest of your favorite gestures.

But of course, he knew that was impossible now.

Then the showcase was over.

You were already gone from the stage, and the seats were emptying.

Komori didn't know what to do or say as Rintarou looked deep in thought, like he could hear nothing but his thoughts.

"Uhhh Suna," the libero started, only to be interrupted by the middle blocker suddenly standing up.

"I have to see her one last time." And with that, Rintarou ran off, busy on his phone.

You celebrated with the staff backstage, despite it being a bittersweet performance. Nagano Prefecture was your home, but it was also home to EJP Raijin, and Suna Rintarou. 

"You were amazing, L/N!" Kazehaya cheerfully congratulated you with a bouquet of roses.

"Thank you so mu-" you were cut off by your phone's notification. After sheepishly smiling and mouthing "sorry" to your manager, you stepped away. You only had people from your personal life in your phone, so it always felt like a priority to check its texts immediately.

But you weren't expecting this message.

To: L/N F/N  
From: Rin

Hey, I watched your concert with Komori. I know things between us didn't end well, but I think now it's safe to tell you something I couldn't before. Can I please see you right now? Meet me at my place please I'll be waiting as long as it takes.

You tried to fight the urge to agree. You recalled what he did, how he cheated and threw away your relationship like it was nothing. So two months later, what the hell did he have to say? And should you even listen to him?

But he said it was something he couldn't say before, which made you curious. You sighed and thought, 'Fuck it.' You needed real closure.

After begging your manager to see an "old friend" that attended the concert and putting on your best outfit to not be recognized, you were off to Rintarou's apartment, the one you also used to call home. 

Rintarou paced back and forth in his apartment. He wasn't expecting for you to actually show up; he knew how much he hurt you and that you might not want to see his face ever again. But he had just a little hope, knowing how kind you were, that you would be willing to hear him out for the final time.

He sat back on his couch ruffling his hair in stress until he heard light knocking. Rintarou immediately stood up, and took a deep, slow breath in and out before opening the door.

And there you were, dressed in all black hoping to blend in with the night. Now in flawless, professionally done makeup, black baggy jeans, black tank top, and black puffer jacket, black and white sneakers and gold accessories that all looked expensive. You were really a celebrity now, Rintarou thought.

"Uh... hey, Y/N." Rintarou smiled nervously. What was he expecting? He knew he couldn't just waltz back into your life and act like nothing happened.

"Hi Suna." That simple greeting threw Rintarou into a mess of thoughts. He thought of how it was a fever dream to even be speaking to you again, but was also hurt by your addressing him by last name again.

"Um do you want a glass-" The middle blocker was cut off by the sight of you crouching down, face buried in your arms. It took him a few seconds of staring dumbfoundedly to realize that you were crying.

Almost instinctively, Rintarou knew he no longer had to keep up the cold act, so he came down to your level and finally hugged you.

Before saying anything, he held you like there was no tomorrow; he fixed your positions so that he was sitting against the wall and holding you more comfortably while he let you cry for as long as you needed.

Rintarou let out everything he'd been holding back. He kept hugging you, caressed your hair, kissed your forehead, and whispered sweet nothings just like he wanted to all those weeks ago.

And after a bit of silence, you lifted your face to finally look at him. Those green, piercing yet soft eyes and messy middle-parted hair. His arms holding you protectively as if you've stayed together all this time, his voice as he whispered sweet nothings, and everything else you fell in love with.

You really did miss him, you admitted. Probably because somewhere deep within you, you wanted to believe that what happened was fake and he still loved you like you loved him. You thought you were over him, but now figured the time apart and your business created that illusion.

"Are you feeling okay now?" Rintarou asked as you pulled away, but he still had his arms loosely wrapped around you. You couldn't do anything else but nod in response.

After a few seconds of silence. Rintarou spoke up again.

"Can I tell you what I couldn't before now?" He asked while tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

"... yeah." With that, you were pulled back into Rintarou's arms.

"What the heck, Rin? Just spill it." You pouted.

"You're calling me Rin again." You could feel him smiling into your shoulder.

"Yeah yeah whatever, just say what you need to."

"It's hard to say it to your face. Can I just tell you like this?" He heard you give him a soft "mhm".

"Y/N... I never fell out of love."

You immediately pulled away to look at Rintarou.

"You literally cheated, Rin." Believing him proved difficult; despite this being what you hoped for, it was unrealistic.

"Let me explain the truth." That got your attention.

"I did it to make you forget about me and focus on your career. I knew you'd never agree to break up if I just told you the truth from the beginning, so I'm so sorry from the bottom of my heart. I figured I had to hurt you for our relationship to end."

Now you were angry at his explanation.

"What the hell? I was perfectly focused on my training when we were together we would've been fi-"

"You're too naive, Y/N. You know how harsh your industry is with relationships. Even though I'm an athlete and not an idol or whatever, your career would've been ruined from the start if we stayed together." Suna explained as you looked down. He was right.

You didn't know what to say or do other than lay your chin back on his shoulder and cry. Rintarou wasted no time to hug and comfort you once again.

This time, you cried even harder at the realization. As Rintarou held you, your loud, broken sobs reached him, prompting the volleyball player to finally let out his tears.

"You know I still love you Rin," you said in between sobs.

"I still love you too." Both of them didn't want to hold back any words anymore.

"And Y/N, know that you couldn't have loved me better." Rintarou whispered in between his own cries.

"So I want you to move on. Live your life and your dream. Even if..."

"Even if we can't be together, I'm always gonna be your #1 fan." He laughed sadly.

They pulled away to look at each other.

"And you Rin... you better go out there and become the best middle blocker there is." You cupped the side of Rintarou's face followed by him settling into the warmth of your hand.

He brought his hand up to grab yours and give it a soft kiss.

"Of course I will." He pulled you into just one more hug, a hug that the two of you knew would be your last.

In all honesty, neither of you were ready to let the other go. Neither of you could picture yourselves loving someone different. Even if it was for the best, it didn't change the fact that you were the loves of each other's lives. 

Or dare you said, soulmates; soulmates who weren't meant to be.

"You know..." Rintarou started.

"Maybe, just maybe,"

"If one day, even if it's years from now,"

"When your career has settled down... and if it's possible..."

"Will you come find me Rin?" You finished his thought.

Rintarou held your hand and with the other, cupped the side of your face. He gave you the most tender smile, the same one you missed so much, and finally kissed you. It was a soft one full of love, and lingered as you both knew this kiss would also be your last. He finally pulled away and rested his forehead on yours.

"Yeah, and if for some reason it's impossible, I'll find you in our next life, and in every one after that."


End file.
